Charlie's Angels
Charlie's Strippers
alright, I hope the title is a hint... a little hint? a big hint.
I'd say this movie is one step left of those things you see on cinemax late at night. For those of you still confused, imagine an old burlesque show, where they take off everything but a couple little bits just to tease the audience. Well, that's kinda exactly what this movie is, a show for the little newly-pubescent boy in us all. Truthfully, those who describe this film as a loosely connected series of fetish numbers are not far off.
Ok, so that's a quick intro, let me summarize the plot: ooh, I'm hot. ooh, I'm sad. ooh, I'm mean. ooh, I'm funny. All these are intertwined with what I call a "plotline", but obviously the makers of this movie called "that stuff in between the sexing".
And you know what's wrong? I'll accept an action boob fest, but the plot's gotta be at least a little interesting. This story could have been ripped from a third grade short story... maybe it was. C'mon, renegade agent? That's the whole plot. Some inner demons... ooh. The plot straddles the line the whole time, never truly deciding if it wants to be tounge-in-cheek or a serious backbone. It ends up being just stupid.
Not to say there aren't any good parts. I like the Thin Man a lot. If he had three times as much screen time, I'd be pleased. He's like a psychotic ninja, and that's kinda cool. Even though his backstory is kinda weak, I still liked the scenes of him as a child, all nutty. Maybe that's another reason I don't like it. They don't nearly do his character justice at all.
Overall, the acting is pretty good. I personally like Matt Leblanc (Joey from Friends), the Angels, and Luke Wilson. They all do solid jobs being goofballs. Heck, even John Cleese shows up for a second and says hello. Nothing to really complain about here. Even now I remember most of the characters with a fairly pleasant residue. Even the lucky charms villian was alright.
Ok, I didn't like Demi Moore's part. Everything her character did was a cliche. Not to say she lowered herself below the narrative as a whole, but her contribution rests on the same level as the plot in my book. She was probably the right actress, but the character never hit the right pitch. Really, I think they wanted Darth Vader, but they got fluffy the rabid poodle. Oh, and for the people making the movie: if you spend half the movie seriously pretending the villian is a big secret, and then show who it is in the trailer, that's kinda silly.
I was looking for a funny action movie, and I got a kinda-funny action movie with a few stupid moments. The bar scene, with the old Angel... that was the low point. Attempting to pull a semblance of emotion out after the silly precedings was weak. Add to that a few character-building moments with Demi Moore, and you've got a recipe for lameness.
I'll give McG credit, the action scenes were very well choreographed. Either he hired the right guys, or had the right look in mind, but they worked. Ok, ignore the first scene with the magic helicopter. Other than that, the action is thoroughly cool; the special effects are spot on.
Maybe he meant that to be enough. Perhaps he believed boobs and guns and flare could make a movie. He could have proved me wrong, but he didn't. He crafted a mindless fun-fest that's bogged down by a couple glaring mistakes. Maybe it'll play better on video with a bunch of guys going "ohh" every time a chick comes on screen, and "yeah" every time they take off their clothes, but it didn't play well on a big screen.
Sometimes I rant about "the sad state of movies", but this movie doesn't elicit that feeling from me. It doesn't elicit much emotion at all, really. I think mindless action has its place; it just wasn't done well in this instance. It is a uneven series of burlesque show numbers held together with crappy glue and augmented with some good action scenes. Nothing more. Some movies shoot for the sky, some shoot for the crotch. This one tried to do the latter, but shot itself in the foot instead.
I give it 1.5 out of 4 |
