This item originally appeared in the October 7, 2004 issue of The Tech Talk.
Sorry, guys. This one's for the girls. I know most females have that one friend who, no matter what, is always optimistic about her love life; maybe a little too optimistic.
And in a way you have to admire her. I wish I could realize that some guys really do tell the truth.
But there are times when someone I have been dating gives me an excuse as to why it's just not working, and I truly want to believe that excuse. But realistically, "He's probably just not that into me."
I was watching Oprah a few weeks ago when the writer of the book, "He's Just Not That into You" and "Sex and the City," was the guest.
He proposed the idea that if a guy is really into you, he will call when he says he's going to call, and he won't make up excuses.
OK, this completely goes against everything my friends and I have ever talked about. What about the games? Don't guys play games? Well, apparently not, says this author.
So pretty much every, "I have a test tomorrow, so I can't hangout tonight," meant "he wasn't into me?"
Or what about, "We can't be together because a year from now who knows where you're going to be?" Well, honestly, a year from now who knows if we are going to be together? (I'm a little bitter about that one, if you haven't noticed.)
So why do guys make up these 10-minute-long speeches if really all they mean to say is they just aren't into us? I, along with 90 percent of the female population on this planet, would much rather hear someone be honest than waste my time or theirs. And as Oprah says, "Don't waste the pretty."
So, for the second time in a column I am going to go ahead and admit I am analytical. OK, I said it. When a guy tells me something, positive or negative, I pick it apart. Then I call my brother to ask his opinion.
And every time, our conversations consist of the same few phrases:
Me: "I need your opinion on something this guy said, and what he meant by it."
Brother: "What did he say?"
Me: "That he wanted to take me out again."
Brother: "OK, he meant he wanted to take you out again."
So I'm confused at this point É do they mean what they say or not?
The more I try to figure it out, the more I get confused. And the funny thing is I don't even want a relationship at this point, but I'm bombarded by all of these books and shows trying to tell women that any excuse a guy makes means he's not into them.
On the contrary what about communication? By telling ourselves a guy just isn't into us seems like taking the easy way out.
What if he really does have a project due tomorrow? I know there are times when I absolutely have to do things, like getting this paper out on time, and there is no way, even if I am so into a guy, that I could hang out.
It's like telling women not to give a guy a chance if he calls a day or two late. So what's a girl to do? Obviously I don't have all the answers.
But I do know hearing someone's lie hurts worse than hearing the truth, even if it's not what I want to hear at the time.
I refuse to "waste the pretty."
Jennifer Reynolds is a senior journalism major from Shreveport and serves as associate editor for The Tech Talk. E-mail comments to firstname.lastname@example.org.