Mothers, huh? Honestly, does anybody know how to push your buttons better than your mom?

"Because I said so." What is that? Surely not a reason.

The saddest part of it all is that about 99.9 percent of the time, they're right (but never tell them that; they'll get cocky).

Now, that does leave one hundredth of a percent of a chance that she'll be wrong.

And what does that mean? It means that everything she ever tells you could fall into that minute percentage.

That's why we don't listen to our mothers.

There are all kinds of mothers: biological mothers, stepmothers, adopted mothers, mothers-in-law, your friends' mothers, your friend/roommate who thinks she's your mother. The list goes on.

Oh, the nagging. "Where are you going? Who will you be with? When are you coming home?"

Sometimes I swear that's why they invented therapy.

But everybody knows the rule about your mom. You can say those things about her, but if you ever catch anyone else with a negative comment, it's blood.

"What'd you say about my mama?"

That's why SOB is such an insult, because it's really directed at the mother. And a bastard is literally an illegitimate child, which means the mother was having sex out of wedlock.

We've all heard the "Your mother's so (pick your own insulting adjective)" jokes.

They're offensive because we have a certain attraction to someone whose main job in life is to protect us and mold us into the wonderful, infallible human beings we grow up to be.

Not to mention we were sprung from their loins.

Mothers are great people, and they come in all colors, shapes and sizes to appeal to a diverse audience.

You can cry in front of your mom. Hey, she was there the first time you did it.

And remember the first time she found the alcohol/cigarettes/drugs/dirty magazines (insert your own poorly hidden object here) and didn't take a knife to your throat?

There's always the threat: "I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it." But rarely do they want to go through all the trouble of hiding the body.

You want to know the best thing about mothers?

They are human and therefore make mistakes too.

They want us to believe they, like us, are perfect. But chances are they've been through the same stuff we go through, and they've had to make a lot of the same choices we have to make.

That's why they think they're so appropriate to give us advice. They'll say, "I was young once too, you know." And we'll think (but never say), "You? Young?"

This Sunday is Mothers Day. Some smart mother out there decided that maternal figures everywhere should have a day of recognition. It's the perfect opportunity for all of us (little angels we are) to prove to them that they taught us well.

Well, at least well enough to know when to buy them presents.

A nice card that says, "Thanks for going through labor pains for me" is the least you can do.

Yes, mothers. Sometimes you humor them, sometimes you defy them. You don't always like them, but God knows you love them.

So make sure you call your mom Sunday and tell her to have a happy Mothers Day.

If she asks you why, tell her, "Because I said so."

Heidi Hausmann is a senior journalism major from Opelousas and serves as editor for The Tech Talk. E-mail comments to heidihausmann@hotmail.com.